Family Judgment:Hell for the holidays.
Since its the holiday season I thought I would address an issue that all of us have encountered over the last 4 weeks. FAMILY!
What’s up with family? Why all the issues? Why is it that our family can treat us like crap and then expect us to stick around. They seem to think it will never effect the relationship and we will never ever go away because we are “family”. We put up with crap that we wouldn’t let anyone other than family get away with. Guess what?! Not me, I am putting my foot down. I am finally tired of all the family drama. Why should children treat their parents with respect if we in return to do not receive it. I deserve respect and not to be treated like a doormat that my family wipes their issues on.
I caught the tale end of a question and answer session with a Doc/psych radio show on XM yesterday. No, not television, radio. (she writes with a smile) Anyway, someone had called in wondering why their children didn’t come around to visit anymore. The Doc said “Normally we would blame the children but perhaps its something you are doing wrong. Are you interested in their lives? Do you ask the right questions? Do you judge?”
In my family and my man’s family judging is a way of life. If you don’t do it their way tis’ the wrong way. What's wrong with you!? My family doesn’t have a clue as to what I do in my life. They take no real interest.
Perhaps because I am not performing like I used to so there is nothing to brag about. Perhaps its because I have had some work published and my mother, who has written wonderful stories, just sits in front of “LifetIme, television for women” all day and does nothing. I have encouraged her countless times to persue writing. Yet, does anyone encourage me? No. My father, the eternal self proclaimed pessimist always seeks to destroy any idea I have. Anything that brings about a negative taste in his mouth a morbid curiosity will arise. If I choose not do go through with something I get the inevitable “Why NoooOoooT?” When I give an answer that is satisfactory to either my mother or my father I get no response. No feedback. Nothing. Not a “good for you.” Not a “sounds like a plan.” Nothing. No response. Dead silence. Why did they want to know in the first place? Why? to satisfy their own curiosity in my life and once that is quenched it’s onto the next issue for them. Issue for them, not me. I get nothing. No response, dead silence. nothing.
My man’s family hurts my heart just as much. Christmas morning I decide to say hi to my Man’s father. Well its Christmas right? This is what I got.
“Oh your ankle hurts? Be prepared you will probably never walk right again. How are you? -Good I replied.-”Good?! Well you have your guy with you. That’s something!!”
He probably wanted to say. “You have my son with you”
We are 3,000 miles from them and my guy had to work Christmas Eve so there was no traveling “home for the holidays” this year.
Oh and in the “shooting down” department. I told my guy’s father about an idea I had regarding a recording that I was doing. We were on the way to the airport, just him and me. Whelp. He shot the idea down. If he had had a missile launcher I wouldn’t be here.
My heart sank. Tears welled up. I was a failure. I held my chin up not letting him know that I was hurt. I dropped him off & I went to a coffee shop crying. Crying to my guy. I saw an expensive pair of pajamas in the window of a store. I bought ass-expensive pj’s that I couldn’t truly afford. They felt soo soft and I was so dizzy. I went home.
I am older now. I am finally tired of hearing the same stories, putting up with the same family drama. I am changing and they are not. Do I respect them? I would if they respected me.
I told my mother that I was only going to be answering emails once a week because I need to concentrate and having emails constantly interrupting me tends to make me lose my train of thought. I am getting bogged down with questions from my mother that could be answered by gee my father, my little brother or the instructions. For instance. “Does Bose Ipod system work with nano?” Look on the box!!! Ask my father!!!!!
Also, I never know when a negative comment is lurking in my mailbox and the negative comments take me down for hours.
As part of New Years and my new found freedom of non-television watching I used this as an excuse to only email once a week. Instead of receiving a response that says. Great, sounds like you are on a role. I get this response. “Gheesh, next you will be giving up the phone........guess if someone wants to tell you something, it will have to wait............a week.”
Um, there is a phone. The phone is sitting next to me. The thing is she won’t pick up the phone to see if the Bose system works with a Nano.
She probably already knows the answer. & its not important. She uses these emails to have a connection with me. Any connection. Has she ever thought about asking how my day was going? No. Has she ever written Have a good week. I s’pose television gets more attention than I do.
My Mother has Borderline personality disorder so perhaps I am not being fair. Yet, what are the others excuses?
DO I sound mean about my parental units? The thing is I know I am gossiped about by my own family and I am not getting any support from my parents. One could say but “they are your parents” True. But, I didn’t ask to be brought into this world and parents receive a lot from their children and should give much in return.
I will leave you with this poem that was read by Audrey Hepburn to her children.
Time-Tested Beauty Tips
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone ...
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
Sam Levenson
P.S. Don’t buy expensive pj’s they are not worth it. Mine were poorly made. Victoria’s Secrets pj’s are great. By the way, the project that I brought up to the Dad that he shot down. The project worked.
May everyone find peace with their families and within themselves in this new year.
What’s up with family? Why all the issues? Why is it that our family can treat us like crap and then expect us to stick around. They seem to think it will never effect the relationship and we will never ever go away because we are “family”. We put up with crap that we wouldn’t let anyone other than family get away with. Guess what?! Not me, I am putting my foot down. I am finally tired of all the family drama. Why should children treat their parents with respect if we in return to do not receive it. I deserve respect and not to be treated like a doormat that my family wipes their issues on.
I caught the tale end of a question and answer session with a Doc/psych radio show on XM yesterday. No, not television, radio. (she writes with a smile) Anyway, someone had called in wondering why their children didn’t come around to visit anymore. The Doc said “Normally we would blame the children but perhaps its something you are doing wrong. Are you interested in their lives? Do you ask the right questions? Do you judge?”
In my family and my man’s family judging is a way of life. If you don’t do it their way tis’ the wrong way. What's wrong with you!? My family doesn’t have a clue as to what I do in my life. They take no real interest.
Perhaps because I am not performing like I used to so there is nothing to brag about. Perhaps its because I have had some work published and my mother, who has written wonderful stories, just sits in front of “LifetIme, television for women” all day and does nothing. I have encouraged her countless times to persue writing. Yet, does anyone encourage me? No. My father, the eternal self proclaimed pessimist always seeks to destroy any idea I have. Anything that brings about a negative taste in his mouth a morbid curiosity will arise. If I choose not do go through with something I get the inevitable “Why NoooOoooT?” When I give an answer that is satisfactory to either my mother or my father I get no response. No feedback. Nothing. Not a “good for you.” Not a “sounds like a plan.” Nothing. No response. Dead silence. Why did they want to know in the first place? Why? to satisfy their own curiosity in my life and once that is quenched it’s onto the next issue for them. Issue for them, not me. I get nothing. No response, dead silence. nothing.
My man’s family hurts my heart just as much. Christmas morning I decide to say hi to my Man’s father. Well its Christmas right? This is what I got.
“Oh your ankle hurts? Be prepared you will probably never walk right again. How are you? -Good I replied.-”Good?! Well you have your guy with you. That’s something!!”
He probably wanted to say. “You have my son with you”
We are 3,000 miles from them and my guy had to work Christmas Eve so there was no traveling “home for the holidays” this year.
Oh and in the “shooting down” department. I told my guy’s father about an idea I had regarding a recording that I was doing. We were on the way to the airport, just him and me. Whelp. He shot the idea down. If he had had a missile launcher I wouldn’t be here.
My heart sank. Tears welled up. I was a failure. I held my chin up not letting him know that I was hurt. I dropped him off & I went to a coffee shop crying. Crying to my guy. I saw an expensive pair of pajamas in the window of a store. I bought ass-expensive pj’s that I couldn’t truly afford. They felt soo soft and I was so dizzy. I went home.
I am older now. I am finally tired of hearing the same stories, putting up with the same family drama. I am changing and they are not. Do I respect them? I would if they respected me.
I told my mother that I was only going to be answering emails once a week because I need to concentrate and having emails constantly interrupting me tends to make me lose my train of thought. I am getting bogged down with questions from my mother that could be answered by gee my father, my little brother or the instructions. For instance. “Does Bose Ipod system work with nano?” Look on the box!!! Ask my father!!!!!
Also, I never know when a negative comment is lurking in my mailbox and the negative comments take me down for hours.
As part of New Years and my new found freedom of non-television watching I used this as an excuse to only email once a week. Instead of receiving a response that says. Great, sounds like you are on a role. I get this response. “Gheesh, next you will be giving up the phone........guess if someone wants to tell you something, it will have to wait............a week.”
Um, there is a phone. The phone is sitting next to me. The thing is she won’t pick up the phone to see if the Bose system works with a Nano.
She probably already knows the answer. & its not important. She uses these emails to have a connection with me. Any connection. Has she ever thought about asking how my day was going? No. Has she ever written Have a good week. I s’pose television gets more attention than I do.
My Mother has Borderline personality disorder so perhaps I am not being fair. Yet, what are the others excuses?
DO I sound mean about my parental units? The thing is I know I am gossiped about by my own family and I am not getting any support from my parents. One could say but “they are your parents” True. But, I didn’t ask to be brought into this world and parents receive a lot from their children and should give much in return.
I will leave you with this poem that was read by Audrey Hepburn to her children.
Time-Tested Beauty Tips
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone ...
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
Sam Levenson
P.S. Don’t buy expensive pj’s they are not worth it. Mine were poorly made. Victoria’s Secrets pj’s are great. By the way, the project that I brought up to the Dad that he shot down. The project worked.
May everyone find peace with their families and within themselves in this new year.
posted by Haley at 10:21 PM
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